Serpentine

My words are limited.
“Coffee”
” Ice”
“Perfume”
“Winter”
“Ink”
“Nights”
“Red”
“Hope”
“Love”
“Desire”
“Dark”
“Wind”
“Rain”

My fascination with you is endless.
My love is cruel.
My dreams are all consuming;
Like forest fires and your kisses.
Every word that I have ever cherished,
If I could never say them again.
My love, I would not miss them at all.
Your eyes will burn them into me,
Over and over and over again.
Just like your touch would tattoo me
with all the words of the world that would be lost.
The only words that matter to me beyond all others are,

You saying my name in the dark.
like a prayer
like a dark, glittering, sinful promise.

and your name that I will sigh
softly
silently
reverently

Endless.
Like time
like the sea
like my burning obsession with you.

Eien ni

My love for you is forever;
like the memory of light
of a star
long gone.
Like frayed napkins and ticket stubs
tattooed with red lipstick
that you collect
and I count.
Your gaze is music and fire;
a black hole of love
I don’t need chains or red threads of fate,
your fingers around my throat
and your soft promises are enough.

Eternity is not just endless time
under a diamond dust sky,
my love.

Red Rain

In the years to come…

maybe I’ll remember the blinding city lights and the veil of rain that, gave an otherworldly sense of beauty to the dirty grey streets and the dark, dark night.

Maybe I’ll remember the cacophony of dreams; the desperate ones, the secret ones, the sweet ones, the ones being fulfilled and the ones being shattered with every breath you took.

Maybe I’ll remember being buffered by luck and fate and lonely, lost people as they rushed to and from their whimsical worlds.

But tonight..

I only see those dark eyes and the promise of warm oblivion there.

My world under your red umbrella is rose tinted, blood poison. There is music in  the cruel wind that whips around your skirt and in the relentless rain that cages us in.

Tomorrow you will be gone.
Like the dew does with the first, gentle caress of the sun and years later, I may not be able to recall the exact colour of your dark, dark eyes.

But tonight…
Tonight, all that matters is that you smell like cigarettes and lies, of sandcastles and sin and that you paint my world in every shade of red that ever existed in this seemingly endless rain.

Jiroushin

The Gods are always cruel.
Justice is cruel.
She is beautiful.

Like ice and swords and laughter, like venom and sake and pride,  like the gossamer silk she wears and the ebony of her hair,and her  flippant words that shake mountains with their irreverence.

“I’m bored.”

She pulls strings and makes them dance; fire to burn fire and wrathful storms to swallow a cooler breeze whole. She caresses them with cool hands and soft words that they choke on as her deceit strangles them. She sheds tears and breaks her heart over their poetic pain while drawing intricate designs on the floor with their seeping blood.
“Live, live, live!” she says, in her voice like smokey nights, as she polishes her knife and perfects her poison.

She is crystal tears and scattered blossoms; she is bottled love and dark, glittering desire; she is unslaked lust and endless, blue oceans.

She is beautiful, just as she is cruel.

Bosatsu

I never thought I’d dislike you more than I do today and I can imagine your smile, so clearly, as I say that – part sad, part amused, part understanding; never not triumphant.

The games you make me play  are no longer fun, but you never meant them to be fun for me and I’ve always known that. I still play because this life would be boring if I sat in the sidelines forever.

Your hair shimmers like those gorgeous ice covered mountains do out there
Clouds, snow, sea and so much Blue that it would burn me before I drowned in it, almost failing to notice the elusive red in the corners of my vision.

I gave away Ninety-Six pieces of me and all your games have always been gambles, but this, this game wasn’t about how much I’d win or lose in exchange for those pieces of me; this was about watching me burn in the Blue as I was pulled under by it, marveling at the red while I struggled to breathe, and then, letting the darkness engulf me before I succumbed to all that Blue.

Give it back.
There is no mercy in cruelty.

One of the Many

Someone who is happy , or constantly aiming to be. Someone who sees more good things in the word than the bad, but, who sees enough of the bad to be involved in making a change.

Someone who loves life and people  and is fascinated by the different types of people that exist in the world.

Someone who loves travel and has a job that lets them. I want to live my life constantly travelling and exploring the world and everything it has to offer. I don’t think I can live a life that doesn’t involve a lot of travel, so I would love if whoever I was with needed to travel as well.

Someone who doesn’t care about money; who understands how and why and to what extent it’s pursuit is important, but in the end, someone who doesn’t chase after it like it’s a life goal.

Someone who loves their work/job and doesn’t look at it a as means to an end. I want to be with someone who is happy doing what they do and is proud of it.

Someone whose job actively involves making a positive difference to the world or helping bring change to people’s lives. I want to be with someone who cares about  more than just themself or us.

Someone who isn’t afraid to speak their mind. Ever. But someone who would respect opinions that were different from theirs.

Someone who is always looking to learn or experience or do something new.

Someone who is comfortable with change and understands that the only constant thing in this world is change and isn’t scared of that.

Someone who has a strong idea of who they are and what they want and who spends time trying to evolve into who they want to be.

Someone who is patient and can remain calm during the times I most definitely can’t.

Someone who understands that we will always be two very different people trying to make it work and that involves a lot of compromise, but, someone who is willing to make compromises as well and doesn’t expect me to be the only person making them.

Someone who encourages me to be my best, to try my best and who would not be scared away by my constantly shifting moods.

Someone who understands that what I want them to be like when we’re having sex and what I need them to be like at all other times are two very different things. Someone who isn’t violent.

Someone who respects people, me and themselves.

Someone who understands that even though I try, I will not always look beautiful and therefore will be tolerant of the messy hair and giant Hello Kitty shirts.

Someone who will want to get married to me when they are certain that I am their forever.

Someone who would eventually want children and is open to the idea of adopting them as well.

Someone who believes spending money on a grand wedding ceremony and a honeymoon is an absolute waste and instead, would love to spend it on doing something good for the community and investing what is left over in a house we will eventually buy.

Someone who loves their family and is capable of loving mine; who respects their family and is capable of respecting mine.

Someone who will believe that looking after a house and a family is something we both do together and won’t leave me to be the only person cooking, cleaning and trying to run a house.

Someone who would enjoy going out for plays and movies and concerts with me  and would enjoy staying at home and spending time together just as much as well.

Someone who has hobbies and things that are important to them and a social circle outside of mine.

Someone who has an identity of their own and respects that I have mine as well.  We will be more than just the other’s “significant other” in our lives.

Someone who loves me, who is willing to spend their life getting to know me and who they are and who I am and someone who thinks I am beautiful, that my mind and my thoughts are beautiful and someone I feel the same way about. I want us to be attracted to who we are- physically, emotionally and mentally.

Someone who isn’t perfect or aiming for perfection and I don’t want to be with someone who would want to look for perfection in me. I want to be with someone real and someone who thinks I am as well.

MBA Doucebag

“Middle school English teachers are important.You always remember them the most.But wouldn’t you rather be an academic ? A few of my friends who did their master’s in Eng Lit often turned to that.Of course, that only works if you share an innate love for words and language.”

Prick.

So the above message, is one I received from a person belonging to a category I’ve dubbed “MBA Doucebag” and I think it’s perfectly fair since I’ve been dubbed “Unambitious School Teacher”
Now, let me not be coy, I haunt a dating site. A popular one. Online dating isn’t a very accepted concept in India and most people shy away from it because they think the whole concept is dubious. I don’t blame them. In a country like India, it’s hard not to be paranoid with the state of affairs in our country. We don’t even need to look at the rape statistics for it; you know how absolutely bigoted, chauvinistic, misogynistic and a lot of other “feminist” words like that a large group of men are going to be the  minute you step out of your house.
The virtual world is no better.
A very, very large number of profiles there would assume no sane girl is on a dating site looking for new friends or a fun date or an actual relationship and if she wants to be online to get to know like minded people she’d like to have casual sex with; *gasps* that would just reinforce how the “good” girls won’t be on an online dating site. So, “hey baby wan fuk” and the countless other versions of it are what your inbox is likely to be flooded with.

God help you if you’re bisexual.

But no, this was about the MBA pricks. Why on a dating site, would I care if you went to a fancy pants business school? Why would you flash it like a badge? Fine, I know it looks impressive on a resume and I know other business school types might like that maybe even women who like the business school types, but why let me know what a fantastic business school you’ve studied in while being patronizing about a job, a profession that is mine and that I really enjoy?

I hate how they look at everything that is valuble in terms of money. Words like Scotch, South of France, Satyajit Ray, Jazz, Murakami- those are carefully constructed words they’ve worn, like the expensive suit they bought, but would only put on to impress.

I sound like a child.

I don’t like you MBA Douchebag, because you’re a caricature of what this world has become and the world can be so much more. Not good, not perfect;  just more than the pretty packaging you are.

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