I’ve been banished to you Kingdom Normal and I’d rather die than become one of your monochrome subjects.

I’ll paint your sky with the red that is Our rage and howl my loneliness through your pleasant nights.
I’ll spit on whatever peace and comfort you offer and cake your pristine walls with the crazy in my head.
I’ll flood your lands with my dark, twisted love leaving behind a wake of my pain and regret.
I’ll rattle your gates and throw myself against this ┬ácage till he comes and gets me.

I will never call you my home.


Eating My Heart Out

I’m choking.

In the copper of my red dreams
and the warmth of the laughter in them,
as they ooze down, staining my hands
and my body
and my life
with my sin.
I can feel his tears
and the warm beating of each promise I made him
as my teeth
tear our lives
to shreds.
I can taste his pain
and my regret
and the bitter aftertaste of guilt.
I’m choking.
But I push it down my throat,
swallowing his broken pride and our happiness.

The lies continue hysterically laughing and ask me to take another bite…

Dear Faustus,

When I was younger, stories of greed and complacence severely bored me. I couldn’t see the point of teaching a “moral” that was so easily understood, and, I thought, about facets of human nature easy to control.

You would probably laugh at me now old friend. Maybe, you’d be severely angry at my abysmal stupidity. Then again, I have always thought that you consider me to be a supremely dense human being.

I wish I had lied to myself lesser and I wish I had been harder on myself. I wish all of your wisdom rubbed off on me before you and I chose to disappear.

“Lives and people are so easily broken”, I wish I had understood that sooner.

I’m getting married. Maybe I will be happy. Maybe, someday, he will be too.

You are invited, by the way. The ‘Gaipuja’ will be a riot.


I miss you.


So That I Will Never Forget

I was loved.

I was a universe, an endless second. I was rain and wind and fire. I was his night and I was his deep, blue ocean. I was like gold dust and fairy wings. I was the unforgiving earth that trees push their roots into. I was a stormy sky and violent, purple clouds. I was like bottled luck.
I was his every waking thought and I plagued his every dream. I was his pride, his hope, his joy. I was the “truth” he chased after. I was like a field of the most vibrant lilies and the high brought on only by youth and half a bottle of the finest scotch.

I was loved.


My words are limited.
” Ice”

My fascination with you is endless.
My love is cruel.
My dreams are all consuming;
Like forest fires and your kisses.
Every word that I have ever cherished,
If I could never say them again.
My love, I would not miss them at all.
Your eyes will burn them into me,
Over and over and over again.
Just like your touch would tattoo me
with all the words of the world that would be lost.
The only words that matter to me beyond all others are,

You saying my name in the dark.
like a prayer
like a dark, glittering, sinful promise.

and your name that I will sigh

Like time
like the sea
like my burning obsession with you.

Eien ni

My love for you is forever;
like the memory of light
of a star
long gone.
Like frayed napkins and ticket stubs
tattooed with red lipstick
that you collect
and I count.
Your gaze is music and fire;
a black hole of love
I don’t need chains or red threads of fate,
your fingers around my throat
and your soft promises are enough.

Eternity is not just endless time
under a diamond dust sky,
my love.

Red Rain

In the years to come…

maybe I’ll remember the blinding city lights and the veil of rain that, gave an otherworldly sense of beauty to the dirty grey streets and the dark, dark night.

Maybe I’ll remember the cacophony of dreams; the desperate ones, the secret ones, the sweet ones, the ones being fulfilled and the ones being shattered with every breath you took.

Maybe I’ll remember being buffered by luck and fate and lonely, lost people as they rushed to and from their whimsical worlds.

But tonight..

I only see those dark eyes and the promise of warm oblivion there.

My world under your red umbrella is rose tinted, blood poison. There is music in  the cruel wind that whips around your skirt and in the relentless rain that cages us in.

Tomorrow you will be gone.
Like the dew does with the first, gentle caress of the sun and years later, I may not be able to recall the exact colour of your dark, dark eyes.

But tonight…
Tonight, all that matters is that you smell like cigarettes and lies, of sandcastles and sin and that you paint my world in every shade of red that ever existed in this seemingly endless rain.

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