Tides

You have waged your wars
wielding a hammer of light and a sword of fire, played under moons and stars
and travelled the world as you desired.
And I did the same – rowing through rivers
and dancing through towns
and running on endless fields of flowers
watching the sun go down.
We meet again in dusty pink evenings
and inky sliver nights,
smiling at our travel worn clothes
and whispering songs through our twinkling eyes
of the skies we have seen
and the soft grass we slept in
and of the faces we have worn
and the cities we wept in.
Of the wines we have drunk
and those we will drink when it rains,
but right now it is enough
That we sing together again.

Dear Faustus,

When I was younger, stories of greed and complacence severely bored me. I couldn’t see the point of teaching a “moral” that was so easily understood, and, I thought, about facets of human nature easy to control.

You would probably laugh at me now old friend. Maybe, you’d be severely angry at my abysmal stupidity. Then again, I have always thought that you consider me to be a supremely dense human being.

I wish I had lied to myself lesser and I wish I had been harder on myself. I wish all of your wisdom rubbed off on me before you and I chose to disappear.

“Lives and people are so easily broken”, I wish I had understood that sooner.

I’m getting married. Maybe I will be happy. Maybe, someday, he will be too.

You are invited, by the way. The ‘Gaipuja’ will be a riot.

🙂

I miss you.

Mave

So That I Will Never Forget

I was loved.

I was a universe, an endless second. I was rain and wind and fire. I was his night and I was his deep, blue ocean. I was like gold dust and fairy wings. I was the unforgiving earth that trees push their roots into. I was a stormy sky and violent, purple clouds. I was like bottled luck.
I was his every waking thought and I plagued his every dream. I was his pride, his hope, his joy. I was the “truth” he chased after. I was like a field of the most vibrant lilies and the high brought on only by youth and half a bottle of the finest scotch.

I was loved.

Eien ni

My love for you is forever;
like the memory of light
of a star
long gone.
Like frayed napkins and ticket stubs
tattooed with red lipstick
that you collect
and I count.
Your gaze is music and fire;
a black hole of love
I don’t need chains or red threads of fate,
your fingers around my throat
and your soft promises are enough.

Eternity is not just endless time
under a diamond dust sky,
my love.

Jiroushin

The Gods are always cruel.
Justice is cruel.
She is beautiful.

Like ice and swords and laughter, like venom and sake and pride,  like the gossamer silk she wears and the ebony of her hair,and her  flippant words that shake mountains with their irreverence.

“I’m bored.”

She pulls strings and makes them dance; fire to burn fire and wrathful storms to swallow a cooler breeze whole. She caresses them with cool hands and soft words that they choke on as her deceit strangles them. She sheds tears and breaks her heart over their poetic pain while drawing intricate designs on the floor with their seeping blood.
“Live, live, live!” she says, in her voice like smokey nights, as she polishes her knife and perfects her poison.

She is crystal tears and scattered blossoms; she is bottled love and dark, glittering desire; she is unslaked lust and endless, blue oceans.

She is beautiful, just as she is cruel.

Bosatsu

I never thought I’d dislike you more than I do today and I can imagine your smile, so clearly, as I say that – part sad, part amused, part understanding; never not triumphant.

The games you make me play  are no longer fun, but you never meant them to be fun for me and I’ve always known that. I still play because this life would be boring if I sat in the sidelines forever.

Your hair shimmers like the gorgeous lies of Gaiden – Mountains
Clouds, sea and so much blue that it would burn me before I drowned in it, almost failing to notice the elusive red in the corners of my vision.

I gave away Sixty-Six pieces of me and all your games have always been gambles, but this, this game wasn’t about how much I’d win or lose in exchange for those pieces of me; this was about watching me burn in the blue as I was pulled under by it, marveling at the red while I struggled to breathe, and then, letting the darkness engulf me before I succumbed to all that Blue.

Give it back.
There is no mercy in cruelty.

One of the Many

Someone who is happy , or constantly aiming to be. Someone who sees more good things in the word than the bad, but, who sees enough of the bad to be involved in making a change.

Someone who loves life and people  and is fascinated by the different types of people that exist in the world.

Someone who loves travel and has a job that lets them. I want to live my life constantly travelling and exploring the world and everything it has to offer. I don’t think I can live a life that doesn’t involve a lot of travel, so I would love if whoever I was with needed to travel as well.

Someone who doesn’t care about money; who understands how and why and to what extent it’s pursuit is important, but in the end, someone who doesn’t chase after it like it’s a life goal.

Someone who loves their work/job and doesn’t look at it a as means to an end. I want to be with someone who is happy doing what they do and is proud of it.

Someone whose job actively involves making a positive difference to the world or helping bring change to people’s lives. I want to be with someone who cares about  more than just themself or us.

Someone who isn’t afraid to speak their mind. Ever. But someone who would respect opinions that were different from theirs.

Someone who is always looking to learn or experience or do something new.

Someone who is comfortable with change and understands that the only constant thing in this world is change and isn’t scared of that.

Someone who has a strong idea of who they are and what they want and who spends time trying to evolve into who they want to be.

Someone who is patient and can remain calm during the times I most definitely can’t.

Someone who understands that we will always be two very different people trying to make it work and that involves a lot of compromise, but, someone who is willing to make compromises as well and doesn’t expect me to be the only person making them.

Someone who encourages me to be my best, to try my best and who would not be scared away by my constantly shifting moods.

Someone who understands that what I want them to be like when we’re having sex and what I need them to be like at all other times are two very different things. Someone who isn’t violent.

Someone who respects people, me and themselves.

Someone who understands that even though I try, I will not always look beautiful and therefore will be tolerant of the messy hair and giant Hello Kitty shirts.

Someone who will want to get married to me when they are certain that I am their forever.

Someone who would eventually want children and is open to the idea of adopting them as well.

Someone who believes spending money on a grand wedding ceremony and a honeymoon is an absolute waste and instead, would love to spend it on doing something good for the community and investing what is left over in a house we will eventually buy.

Someone who loves their family and is capable of loving mine; who respects their family and is capable of respecting mine.

Someone who will believe that looking after a house and a family is something we both do together and won’t leave me to be the only person cooking, cleaning and trying to run a house.

Someone who would enjoy going out for plays and movies and concerts with me  and would enjoy staying at home and spending time together just as much as well.

Someone who has hobbies and things that are important to them and a social circle outside of mine.

Someone who has an identity of their own and respects that I have mine as well.  We will be more than just the other’s “significant other” in our lives.

Someone who loves me, who is willing to spend their life getting to know me and who they are and who I am and someone who thinks I am beautiful, that my mind and my thoughts are beautiful and someone I feel the same way about. I want us to be attracted to who we are- physically, emotionally and mentally.

Someone who isn’t perfect or aiming for perfection and I don’t want to be with someone who would want to look for perfection in me. I want to be with someone real and someone who thinks I am as well.

MBA Doucebag

“Middle school English teachers are important.You always remember them the most.But wouldn’t you rather be an academic ? A few of my friends who did their master’s in Eng Lit often turned to that.Of course, that only works if you share an innate love for words and language.”

Prick.

So the above message, is one I received from a person belonging to a category I’ve dubbed “MBA Doucebag” and I think it’s perfectly fair since I’ve been dubbed “Unambitious School Teacher”
Now, let me not be coy, I haunt a dating site. A popular one. Online dating isn’t a very accepted concept in India and most people shy away from it because they think the whole concept is dubious. I don’t blame them. In a country like India, it’s hard not to be paranoid with the state of affairs in our country. We don’t even need to look at the rape statistics for it; you know how absolutely bigoted, chauvinistic, misogynistic and a lot of other “feminist” words like that a large group of men are going to be the  minute you step out of your house.
The virtual world is no better.
A very, very large number of profiles there would assume no sane girl is on a dating site looking for new friends or a fun date or an actual relationship and if she wants to be online to get to know like minded people she’d like to have casual sex with; *gasps* that would just reinforce how the “good” girls won’t be on an online dating site. So, “hey baby wan fuk” and the countless other versions of it are what your inbox is likely to be flooded with.

God help you if you’re bisexual.

But no, this was about the MBA pricks. Why on a dating site, would I care if you went to a fancy pants business school? Why would you flash it like a badge? Fine, I know it looks impressive on a resume and I know other business school types might like that maybe even women who like the business school types, but why let me know what a fantastic business school you’ve studied in while being patronizing about a job, a profession that is mine and that I really enjoy?

I hate how they look at everything that is valuble in terms of money. Words like Scotch, South of France, Satyajit Ray, Jazz, Murakami- those are carefully constructed words they’ve worn, like the expensive suit they bought, but would only put on to impress.

I sound like a child.

I don’t like you MBA Douchebag, because you’re a caricature of what this world has become and the world can be so much more. Not good, not perfect;  just more than the pretty packaging you are.

Sanctuary For My Mind

They all look the same; herding us all in
All the same size
All the same colour
covered with tiles like a chess set boxed together;
but, even in this human hive
I have a place I go to
a place that is mine
where I can peacefully watch the changing colours
of the never ending sky.
And it isn’t mine because of the whitewashed walls
as bare as the next one is
or the lonely painted white doors,
It is mine because of the faded blue curtains
that I hid behind when I was five
and the perfume and hairbrushes
and books that help me survive
stacked on a broken shelf, along with papers and cheap pens
and cotton sheets and blankets and useless documents,
and notebooks which are portals to my volatile mind
and the window that shows off the ever changing sky.

Because Eternity Is More Than Forever (An Ode To Jade)

Dear Jade,

Lifetimes and Colours have been swallowed by time
with them, the pain and promises that came
and torrents of rain still remind me of what is mine,
though the World conspires to make me forget each day.
Like old pictures that may exist; somewhere
and that lost stairwell in that broken school,
like sunsets, laughter and windswept hair
and the bright fire that could only be you.

And the scars that we have, have long since faded
and with it the deep despair and shame,
and we have gone past being pretty and jaded
and almost mastered this tedious game.
But, I am lonely without you here
even though your flame kisses me so.
The warmth has it’s own sweet allure
But my friend,
by your eyes and promises I want to be burnt like before.

And Pittsville may have the Rain and the Sea
but it was lacklustre without your beautiful smile.
It was just a pretty box of empty dreams
without you there to make it shine.
Now we no longer are parts of Before
and Today has us no longer innocent
and yet the loyalty I so long ago swore
makes me bleed my love once again, unashamed.

We may be fading dreams and lost stars
we may have been altered by time,
but the words I said and didn’t, my love
have bound me to your fate for life.

Our love was never meant to be simple
you let me love you like you were mine,
I belonged to you without belonging
and with you, I laughed and bled and cried.
And you think I don’t need you.
you think even without you I’ll be whole,
you think I was meant to love the world
but only for you would I sell my soul.
And sometimes I think I already have;
gift-wrapped it and set it free
for the Devil to find and do what he likes
on an ocean of blood and  fierce loyalty.
The world may point fingers and whisper
and the weak me will pick up the sword
to protect what is mine; what is ours
even when I no longer have the right words.
Because the Fire that you are, that I love
is the only thing that is mine
in this world of lies, half truths and  dirty secrets
you are the only real thing that survived.

And I love when you want me to show you I care
because I never run out of ways to show you how much.
the Colours and Joy that explode when we collide;
even the envious World is too afraid to touch.

Yours Always
Mave